Thursday, September 2, 2010

My profile . . .

By Mister Curie

When I heard about the makeover going on at, I got an idea to try an experiment.  I wanted to test the boundaries of what could get approved by the church.  Clearly this was a  PR move by the church, so what would happen if someone tried to publish very blunt responses to tricky questions?  My first honest attempts clearly didn't pass PR guidelines, as I gave legitimacy to FLDS claims to be Mormon and critiqued members for failing to obey the Word of Wisdom as given (positive use of mild barley drinks and whole grains and limiting meat consumption), instead of simply meaning no coffee, tea, alcohol, tobacco. So I decided to try answering some of the FAQs with a response that a true believer wouldn't blink at, but that would make investigators squirm a little and think twice about, including incorporating some of the doctrines anti-mormons rant about.
As a result, my profile was published and is officially part of the church's new PR campaign.  At the risk of losing the protection provided my anonymity, here is the link to my profile:

So, while I'm giving up anonymity, feel free to add me on facebook.

On a positive note, they are still debating over whether to publish my offensive response to what Mormons believe about homosexuality.

What is the Church’s attitude on homosexuality? Why is homosexuality and same-sex marriage important to the Mormon Church?

When I was young, one of our highest leaders, the prophet, then President Spencer W. Kimball, taught about homosexuality: “This perversion is defined as the sexual desire for those of the same sex or sexual relations between individuals of the same sex, whether men or women. It is the sin of the ages.” And later he uses these adjectives to describe homosexuality: repugnant, deviant, unnatural, abominable, evil, ugly, and curable.

I appreciate the irony that if President Spencer W. Kimball made an honest profile, his wouldn't be approved.

But it does frustrate me that this language was deeply ingrained into me as the mind and will of the Lord and that the church's stance contributed to my inability to accept my homosexuality.


  1. Nice post, and interesting job with the profile. I had to chuckle, I did click the link to add you on Facebook, but we're already friends. :)

  2. Awesome profile. I can't believe they published what they did. I wonder if they will take your profile down once they find your blog... (If they find your blog.)

  3. Wow! I love how you filled out the profile. It's, well, sort of passive aggressive. And how you write some things to have some great ambiguity if you were to read it carefully.

    That line about Ezra Taft Benson with "...the thinking as been done." LOL! Awesome!

  4. I doubt they'll take down his profile...wasn't there a profile with a guy who did softcore photography as a career?

    Oh, the answers are totally subversive, in a "wink, wink, nudge, nudge" kind of way. Ha, love it.

  5. @surakmn - Glad to already be your friend. ;)

    @Kiley - hopefully by not making the url a click-able link, the COB won't track my profile back to my blog.

    @TGD - You are right, it definitely is a bit passive aggressive. But putting in the ambiguity was quite fun.

    @LDS Brother - Hopefully they won't try to take down my profile.

  6. lol, Mr. Curie, have you seen

  7. Wow, that is impressive. I love the way you've quoted such harsh doctrines in such a way that the believer of them would think you're right on board, while those of us who question things know that you question them as much or more than we do. Well done!

  8. @Andrew S - I hadn't seen it, thanks for pointing it out to me.

    @Ned - Thanks!

  9. I just love the distance in some of your responses, i.e.: why did you serve a mission? has NOTHING in there about "serving the Lord" blah blah blah.

    i can see why they might have liked that, but still.

    or your description of your baptism. "water, white, my dad." hahaha

    Bravo. I hope it stays for a long while.

  10. I'm still hoping you'll address my fb questions.

    I am just seething over the other profiles I read - particularly in regards to equality between the sexes. Lies, lies, and more lies. I am convinced the average mormon knows full well the definition of the word "equality" but chooses to disregard the standard definition in favor of a more "sellable" version.

    The fact that the church still has the power to make me so angry... it's like picking a scab. The lies I was told as a girl are the same as the lies they are handing out now.

  11. @Lisa - in some ways I was trying to go for a "look at all the self-serving things that come from a supposedly 'selfless' mission" with talking about how I learned a foreign language and how it helped me get into medical school

  12. @Nicole - I realize that the profile appears quite a bit schizophrenic. For the FAQs, I tried to give blunt, ultra-conservative true believer responses that would frighten investigators away but that wouldn't make the profile reviewers think twice, thus the statements on equality and mindlessly following the prophet.

    For the questions about personal experiences, I often used it as an opportunity to passive-aggresively critique my experience in the church. Thus, "The church has taught me the necessity of thoroughly researching for myself, rather than relying on someone else's thoughts or opinions." essentially means that I feel betrayed by the church since it not what it claims to be and I will think twice before believing truth claims again.

    "It has taught me that choices made for the 'right reasons' can have both a positive and negative impact on others and that sometimes choices made for the 'wrong reasons' can bless the lives of others." In part this refers to the church claiming to strengthen families but leading families to disown their gay children. As far as wrong reasons, this could refer to the Hoffman forgeries that were selfishly made, but led many to question the church as I believe was appropriate. I could think of many other examples for both claims.

    "I feel more prepared to deal with the real world because I was born Mormon." essentially refers to the disillusionment I feel with Mormonism and that having become disillusioned, I feel less dogmatic and more apt to see nuance in the world.

  13. Loved it!

    Does anyone know though... If you can edit your profile once it gets posted? I've thought about putting up a good TBM profile, and then tweaking it to reflect my true feelings.

  14. Thanks for answering! In response to your statement "I feel more prepared to deal with the real world because I was born Mormon." --
    I have often wondered myself if I am better off for having been raised Mormon. The question is not-so-theoretical, because if the answer is "yes" then that what serve as a strong rationale for raising my own (future) kids in the LDS church. However, I think the answer must be no (thank goodness because I don't know if I could stomach the church just for the sake of my kids). The answer for me is no because I think a Stage 4 type of faith can be achieved without a Mormon upbringing. But the fact that you have come to a different answer is understandable. Perhaps a "yes" answer would be my more honest response as well. It is tough to say.

  15. Thanks for making me chuckle! This was just too clever, if not down right devious... but defiantly my kind of devious!

  16. Nicole - I can't say for sure that I am better off for having been raised Mormon, but I do know that it is the path I walked and it has shaped me. This answer was an attempt to embrace the past without allowing it to control my future. Perhaps it is similar to the line from the musical Wicked, "I don't know if I've been changed for the better, but I have been changed for good."

    Urban Koda - I am in the process of trying to update my profile, so I will post an update of what changes are allowed, etc.

  17. Your profile on seems to be gone now.

  18. I just double checked and it's seems to be gone.

    HA HA HA HA!

    Mister Curie, I think you've been busted!

  19. I'd like to see it. Could you post it here for those who missed it?