Suggestions Sought: Pon-Farr

By Mister Curie

So Abelard Enigma recently discussed the phenomenon he calls "Gay Pon-Farr", which is similar to the Vulcan mating cycle when the gay man's "brain is thrown into a neurochemical imbalance and loss of logic and emotional control, similar to musth in bull elephants. The individual may stop eating and sleeping. As the condition progresses, the Vulcan undergoes the plak tow, or blood fever, and becomes unable to speak or think clearly - thoughts of mating overwhelm them."

I don't think I've experienced the gay Pon-Farr yet, but sometimes a MoHo will post a particular photo that I think almost throws me into one, like this one from Beloved Boyd of Hayden:

Or there was last night watching the pairs figure skating at the Olympics.  Anyways, with my realization that I posted about yesterday that suddenly I am noticing the many attractive men around me as my "eyes have been opened", I figure it is better to be prepared for when the gay Pon-Farr comes, rather than be caught unawares and do something stupid.  So, what are your coping strategies?  What do you do to make it through Pon-Farr?  What do you think is acceptable?

Suggestions Sought: Coming Out to Family

By Mister Curie

I have had several positive and affirming coming out experiences, including to my brother. I am now beginning to contemplate the best way to come out to my family so that it can be as positive an experience as possible. I would love some suggestions.

Here is the situation. We live far from the majority of my family and only visit once a year for 10-14 days, during which time we stay nearly exclusively at my parent's house. This trip typically occurs during the summer. Coming out is complicated by having two different issues to come out about: church disaffection and homosexuality.

Here are the pros and cons I have thought of so far for some of these parameters:

Coming out about both vs. only one issue

Pros for coming out about both:
complete honesty
get it over at one time
live authentically
overall response may be less protracted

Cons for coming out about both:
may confuse the two issues together
supports stereotype that homosexuality is sinful
might fail in making parents more understanding of homosexuals in general
minimizes my other issues with the church (which were not initially related to homosexuality and were sufficient to destroy my testimony without homosexuality being an issue)
response is likely to be stronger (if ultimately less protracted)

If choosing an issue: Church vs. Homosexuality

Pros for coming out about Church:
Follows time-line of my journey (this was the issue first)
Intellect and facts are on my side
If parents reject me over this issue, I can channel my frustration at the church

Pros for coming out about Homosexuality:
I think my parents would be more accepting of my homosexuality than disaffection
Disaffection may be more understandable coming from the perspective that I'm gay
Homosexuality can be seen as an innate quality, rather than a choice (such as drinking tea)
Wife and son would probably get sympathy and support

Cons for coming out about Church:
May make parents later think that homosexuality stemmed from Satan and sin
I think the response would be less favorable than for homosexuality
May estrange wife and son from my family
Blame may be placed on my wife

Cons for coming out about Homosexuality:
If rejected over homosexuality, I will feel like it is more of a personal rejection

Coming Out before visit vs. during visit

Pros for before visit:
If rejected, can save money by not purchasing plane tickets until we know response
less time hiding and more time feeling authentic
written letter will allow me to fully express thoughts without getting lost in emotional responses
things won't be as awkward if parents have time to process before we visit

Pros for during visit:
Will immediately have time in person to show I am the same person and rebuild relationship
More personal and intimate

If during visit: at beginning vs end of visit

Pros for beginning:
More time to show I am same person and to rebuild relationship
more time being authentic and less time hiding

Pros for end:
If bad response, won't be stuck with no place to stay
Less time for things to be awkward

What do you think? What considerations am I neglecting?

Suggestions Sought: Embracing Homosexuality

By Mister Curie

I have a wonderful Mixed-Orientation marriage and love my wife. At the same time I accept that I am a Kinsey 5 homosexual (acknowledging that sexuality is fluid and that it may change over time in either direction, although most men who have repressed their sexuality have it more toward the homosexual spectrum as they come to accept it, rather than the other way around).

My question is how can I accept and express my homosexuality within the wonderful MOM that I have without hurting the MOM and yet be true to myself?

Currently, "expressing my homosexuality" consists of blogging about homosexuality, watching GLBT themed movies, telling my wife about my crushes or guys that I find attractive, coming out to people in real life, and my wife once arranged for us to have a couples massage together with a male massage therapist.

For my readers, married or not, how do you embrace and express your homosexuality?