The Castro: Not What I Expected

By Mister Curie

So I've been hanging out in San Francisco for a week now and I finally  got up the courage to travel to the Castro and see the gay district in San Francisco.  I knew I had to go while I was here, but I wasn't sure what to expect.  Overall, I think it was a bit of a disappointment. I'm not sure what I thought it would be like, but it just wasn't whatever I thought it might be.

I mean, sure, there were beautiful rainbow flags on all the street posts (I've always liked rainbows), there were several adult shops that catered to a gay clientele, and there were advertisements targeting gay men (including signs for AIDS awareness, testing, and prevention  - one of which was an advertisement for participating in a clinical trial for an AIDS vaccine).  I didn't notice a large increase in the presence of eye-candy (although I'm assuming the eye candy  I saw was much more likely  to be gay), there wasn't a large increase in metrosexuals (which was rather surprising, given the definite over-representation of spas and salons catering to the metrosexual crowd), there wasn't even an overwhelming amount of gay PDA (I saw at least as many heterosexual couples holding hands as I saw gay couples holding hands).  There definitely  were a lot of dog owners! Wow!

I printed out a walking tour of the area before I went.  I saw the Camera shop that Harvey Milk started and lived above.  I went to the Harvey Milk Plaza (quite underwhelming) and Pink Triangle Park (also much less than I think the LGBT victims of Nazi persecution deserve). I went in a couple of clothing stores and a bookstore.  I found Hot Cookie and purchased a couple of those "anatomically correct coconut macaroons on a stick, coated in chocolate" that Rob blogged about.  I saw the Castro theater.  I walked down Market street, following the rainbow flags until they ended and found the LBGT community center.  I walked a couple more blocks until I was sure I hadn't missed anything important, and walked back.  I also had lunch at an outdoor cafe and people watched and eavesdropped on nearby conversations.

It was a fun trip (although it would have been more fun if I had been with someone else to share the adventure with).  I enjoyed seeing the few gay couples holding hands that I did see, and it was a definite increase above the number I usually see.  There was one particularly cute couple of elderly gentlemen walking together hand in hand that was just adorable (as well as one couple composed of two extremely fine specimens of eye-candy).  It was also selfishly validating to turn my head a couple of times and notice men checking me out.

Ultimately, however, I realized that there was no mystic call from the gay Mecca that told me I belonged there.  There was no feeling that I've come home or that I've arrived.  I like the life I've built for myself.  I like the stability of my education and my future career.  I love my  wife.  I love being in a relationship where  I know we are committed to each other and can count on each other for support, validation, and understanding.  Ultimately, isn't that what most people want out of a relationship? I have a marriage that contains all of the aspects of as wonderful of a relationship as I could imagine for myself that is better than a lot of the heterosexual  marriages I am aware of.  And while it isn't with a man, I can't imagine that fate would be so kind as to help me find such a wonderful partner a second time. 

I don't believe there is a God that wants me and other homosexuals to deny themselves and be married to women or be forever celibate.  I certainly wouldn't recommend a MOM as a preferred option for gay men.  I don't believe in the LDS church as having any God-given authority or insight in general or in specific when it comes to gays.  On the other hand, I don't think I should end my marriage just because I am gay.  I need to live my life as best  I know how and I know that I have a wonderful wife who loves me and I love her.  We have survived many trials together which have only strengthened our love.  I'm not willing to give up a good thing, just because the statistics suggest there is little hope.  I don't know what the future may bring, but I'm not  prepared to give up my comfortable and enjoyable present in exchange for an unpredictable future (call me selfish).  

I miss my wife.  I'm looking forward to traveling home to be with my family tomorrow.

Mormon Stories Podcast

By Mister Curie

I recently listed to a fascinating series of Mormon Stories podcasts.  John Dehlin, who creates the podcasts, is interviewing people with fascinating Mormon stories.  Most recently I listed to a series of podcasts with Peter Danzig about homosexuality.

In a nutshell, Peter Danzig and his wife performed with the Orchestra at Temple  Square and Peter was training to become a social worker.  Peter noticed inconsistencies between the LDS social services approach to homosexuality and what professional organizations were saying should be the approach.  He tried to discuss the issue with supervisors and the Brethren of the church to correct the inconsistencies.  In response to the church attempting to affect legislation regarding gays, Peter wrote a letter to the editor of the Salt Lake Tribune in the mid 2000s.  When church leaders became aware of this letter, he was removed from the Orchestra at Temple Square and threatened with church discipline for vocally supporting gays.

It is an absolutely fascinating story.  The four parts can be found here:
Peter and Mary Danzig Pt. 1 – The Early Years
Peter and Mary Danzig Pt. 2 – Gaining Sympathy for Homosexuals, Losing His Testimony, and Writing a Letter to the Editor
Peter and Mary Danzig Pt. 3 – Removed from the Orchestra at Temple Square, Silenced, Threatened with Discipline, Resigning from the LDS Church
Peter and Mary Danzig Pt. 4 – Rebuilding a Life Without the LDS Church

Seeking a Revelation for the Church

By Mister Curie

One of the common themes I see among faithful MoHo blogs is the hope that someday the LDS church will receive a revelation on the holiness (or at least acceptance) of homosexual marriage.  Often, many explanations as to why the church has not yet received such a revelation are put forth: (1) the church isn't ready yet for such a revelation, (2) the Brethren just haven't asked, (3) etc., etc., etc.  Nearly all faithful MoHos are convinced that homosexuality is part of their eternal nature and that God doesn't not hate them, although there are a few that hold onto the hope that "natural affections" toward women will be restored to them in the resurrection.  Almost inevitably they refer to the revelation granting Blacks the rights of the Priesthood, received under President Spencer W. Kimball.

I listened to a fascinating podcast the other day that delved into how that revelation was actually received.  The podcast is an interview with Edward Kimball, the son of President Spencer W. Kimball.  It is the most straightforward and honest discussion of the receiving of the revelation extending priesthood rights to Blacks that I have ever seen given from a faithful LDS perspective.  I thought that the MoHo community would be interested in hearing the details of how this revelation was received so that they can gauge what must happen in the future before the church will receive a revelation extending fellowship and acceptance to those in a gay marriage.  I think it is safe to say that we will not hear about the reception of such a revelation during General Conference today and tomorrow.

The interview can be found at the Mormon Stories Podcast website: http://mormonstories.org/?p=940.

San Francisco

By Mister Curie

I'll be taking a business trip to San Francisco next week with some free time for sightseeing.  Any suggestions on where I should go or what I should do?

EFY for Families

By Mister Curie

We recently attended a Marianist Retreat Center for their weekend program for young married couples.  The Marianists are more formally known as The Society of Mary or the Roman Catholic Marian Society.  The retreat center seems to have a special focus on strengthening families.  We had a fantastic time.  Each time we have gone to the retreat center, I have  felt like comparing it to EFY, except for families rather than just for youth.  There are spiritually focused group activities, free time, singing, social activities, etc.  It always surprises me that the LDS church doesn't have something similar.  For all the talk we do about the importance of families, we really don't do that much to strengthen the family.  Sure there is EFY, but that takes the youth away from their  families.  And there are the Singles' wards with fun activities, but once you get married, I feel like we are left high and dry without support.  There aren't a lot of church programs to help parents with raising children and navigating the trials of life after marriage.

We had a fantastic time!  The message I took away from the conference was that Madame Curie and I need to find a higher purpose for our marriage.  With my crisis of faith in  Mormonism, a lot of what was the original foundation of our marriage has eroded.  The gay thing doesn't make things any easier.  We need a high purpose for our marriage to get us through  the trials and storms of life. Finding that higher  purpose is being a little elusive. We tried building our  marriage on the Rock, our Redeemer, Christ the Lord.  Unfortunately that foundation (at least of the Mormon Jesus Christ) wasn't nearly as solid as I'd been lead to believe it was. So it is a little hard for me to find a more sure foundation when I've been constantly told that the surest foundation is in Christ.  We'll find it though . . .

The Palm Sunday mass we attended was beautiful.  It was really enjoyable to take part in the  re-enactment of the Passion of Christ with the last Supper, the atonement in the Garden of Gethsemane,  and the crucifixion.  However,  as I participated,  and I had time to reflect and contemplate on one of the most central events of Christianity, and I realized that I don't believe it anymore. 

I'm torn between the thought that I've become enlightened enough to accept that religion and spirituality are human creations and the thought that maybe Mormonism has damaged my spirituality beyond  repair.  Everything I believed has been overturned and the spiritual link to the Divine that I cultivated in Mormonism (the burning in the bosom of the presence of the Holy Ghost) has been shown to be a flawed method of self-deception.  I can  no longer trust those feelings, and without those feelings, how can  I  access God? As the Mass ended, we sang an uplifting and powerful hymn.  My heart strings were tugged and tears sprang to my eyes.  I felt what I would have formerly called the Spirit.  But I knew it wasn't the spirit, rather it was just an emotional response to the atmosphere and the beautiful music and to having spent a fantastic weekend with my wife focusing on our marriage.  I paused to contemplate the emotion, but assured myself I still didn't believe in Christ's atonement or resurrection. I wasn't experiencing a miraculous spiritual manifestation from God.  I guess that really means I'm  no longer a Christian. 

Celebrity Crush: Zachary Quinto

By Mister Curie

I would be remiss if I mentioned Star Trek without mentioning Zachary Quinto.  Gay Star Trek fans were so lucky to have two hotties playing opposite each other.

Celebrity Crush: Chris Pine

By Mister Curie

Hello Star Trek fans!  Today's celebrity crush is Chris Pine (so much hotter than William Shatner!).