Sunday, July 25, 2010

Came out to my family - short version

By Mister Curie

Just wanted to let everyone know that we came out to my family last night and it went better than expected. Madame Curie and I met together with my parents first and told them in person, then gave them the letter and an autographed copy of "No More Goodbyes" and "Now That You Know". Then I met individually with each of my siblings and told them. The whole process took about 5 hours. I think the church disaffection is the hardest aspect for my mom. The gay thing is hardest for each of my brothers. But each conversation ended with expressions of love on both sides and hugs. Everyone seemed grateful that we wanted to be honest and open, which I think made it easier. I know there is a lot of processing that will need to go on for each person now, but I'm really grateful that their initial reaction was they ability to look beyond their Mormon mindset and see us as the people they have always known us to be and to express their love.

Thanks everyone for your support. It made it much easier knowing you were all rooting for us.  I read the blog comments on my previous post several times throughout the day to give me the courage to tell them. And the personal texts from some of you were also very encouraging.

I'll write up a longer version at some point, but I wanted to let you know it went well.

11 comments:

  1. Congratulations. It sounds like this was a positive experience overall.

    Disaffection with the Church was also the hardest part for my mom. She could handle me marrying a man, until she realized that I would be excommunicated from the Church because of it.

    Be prepared for some initial denial of how committed you are to your decision. I imagine there will be literature, emails, "inspirational" forwards, etc sent your way from all sides. I recommend just accepting whatever they send without comment for a while as they are just testing the waters, trying to see if they can persuade you. If you engage in dialog about why you made this decision or otherwise defend yourself, then they will believe you can be persuaded.

    Don't be offended by the increase in invitations to come back or whatever other literature they send--it really is sent out of love. If after a sustained period of time they see that you really have made this decision and have been respectful of them (ie. not trying to persuade them to join you), then they will move out of denial stage and towards acceptance stage, and that is when meaningful dialog can begin. (and when the annoying "see the Book of Mormon MUST be true" emails stop)

    At least, that's what I've come to experience in my family and observe in others' families. Good luck!

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  2. I'm really glad that things went pretty well. It's always such a relief to find an outpouring of love is the response :) Have a good day!

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  3. I'm so glad it went well. Knowing that our families still love and accept us is a huge relief and blessing. Here's to happier days!

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  4. I commend your decision to come out to ur family. I hope I can come out to my family as well soon.

    joned

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  5. Wonderful news! I was thinking about you both all day yesterday. At least the most anxiety-ridden part of the process is over. Wise words from Daniel above. I'm sure you'll be able to navigate the days ahead. Hope the rest of the trip goes well.

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  6. Glad to hear that things went better than expected. :)

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  7. All good stuff here.

    It is intriguing and interesting how acceptance of homosexuality is easier than disbelief in the church.

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  8. I am amazed by your courage. I am nowhere near close to the point where I could do what you have done, opening up to your family. It makes me queasy just thinking about eventually coming out, but examples like yours make me believe that someday maybe I could.

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  9. This is fantastic! Still a long road ahead for you guys but what amazing courage that took. Here is to being authentic! (St. Jude)

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  10. Much as I loved the eye candy you recently published, I'm hoping that soon you may reach that indefinite "at some point" where you share with us more detail about your homecoming outing. Especially now that some time has passed, what are you hearing from your parents and sibs? You are a master of the cliffhanger, but I want to hear the next episode. Please and thanks!

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