Thursday, February 4, 2010

Mutually Mismatched Orientation Marriages

By Mister Curie

So, Original Mohomie asked it first, but I've had this post in the queue waiting for the right moment to ask, I guess this is as good a time as any.

My wife and I have called it a "mixed-orienation marriage squared". A poster recently referred to it as a "mutually mismatched orientation marriage." Either way, it means that a gay man is married to a lesbian. I have tried to find information about others in our situation, but to no avail. Perhaps someone else knows the term for the relationship my wife and I share so that we can find others who are also in it.

Madam Curie claims that she always secretly wished she could be married to a gay man. She says that she is more attracted to me knowing that I am gay. From comments on our blog and from a thread on AfterElton.com, there is also apparently a fetish among at least some lesbians for gay guy-guy porn. So, surely we are not the only couple where a gay man is married to a lesbian, and perhaps lesbians even search out for a gay man to marry. However, I am not able to find any evidence for it.

In searching, I came across a news article about a gay man and a lesbian who got married, but it was only for 55 hours and as a protest that gays and lesbians are not allowed to have same sex marriages.

I also came across a site designed for Jewish Lesbians, but while the site claimed it occasionally received requests from gay men seeking a lesbian spouse, it denied ever receiving such a request from a lesbian.

So, does anyone know where we can find support materials for a gay man married to a lesbian, whatever such a marriage is called?

No, Original Mohomie, we don't call it "doomed".

Polygamy and Mixed-Orientation Marriage Accomodations

By Mister Curie

Polygamy was one of my issues with church history, in particular the huge disparity between what we are taught in church and historical accounts of what polygamy was actually like. We are taught that polygamy was an uplifting command by a loving God to provide care for widows and orphans, that it is no longer required, etc. From this past year's teacher's manual for the D&C/Church history we are told:

In this dispensation, the Lord commanded some of the early Saints to practice plural marriage. The Prophet Joseph Smith and those closest to him, including Brigham Young and Heber C. Kimball, were challenged by this command, but they obeyed it. Church leaders regulated the practice. Those entering into it had to be authorized to do so, and the marriages had to be performed through the sealing power of the priesthood.
However, historical accounts show that practical polygamy was basically institutionalized single-motherhood, was taught as an absolute requirement for exhaltation, and frequently involved the marriage of women already married to other men who were still living (known as polyandry). Furthermore, the earliest practice of polygamy was in 1832, several years before the sealing powers of the priesthood were restored. Much of my thinking on this matter was influenced by Todd Compton's "In Sacred Loneliness: The Plural Wives of Joseph Smith" which gives the biographies of 33 of Joseph Smith's most well documented plural wives (many acknowledged on the church's own Family Search website).

I was surprised when entering the MoHo community to learn of the hope some MoHo's have that polygamy is truly of God so that they can live eternity with the woman they love and are married to, but also have eternity with the man they love. Rather than dedicating themselves wholly to their wife, despite attraction to men, or leaving their wife to pursue a same-sex relationship, many married homosexuals (not just the Mormon ones) desire to "have their cake and eat it to" by maintaining their marriage

From the glbtq encyclopedia on options for Mixed-Orientation Marriages:
Many couples in mixed-orientation marriages decide to stay together and make their marriage work. They frequently make various kinds of accommodations for the gay or lesbian spouse.

They may allow the gay spouse to be sexually open but emotionally closed to others, feeling that the real danger to their marriage comes from a possible emotional commitment to someone else. They may experiment with "open" relationships for both partners.

Some couples agree to a so-called "Closed-Loop Relationship" in which the gay husband or lesbian wife agrees to have a monogamous relationship with one same-sex partner, thus avoiding the risks of promiscuous sex.

Sometimes, if the gay or lesbian partner is functionally bisexual, the married couple continues their own sexual relationship. Other couples live together as friends rather than lovers.
I thought I would try to compare these different "accomodations" to polygamy and draw conclusions from polygamy about what we can expect if a married homosexual pursues these types of "accomodations".

Keeping the "Accomodation" Hidden From One's Spouse

So the first accomodation that some homosexuals may be tempted to pursue is to keep the "accomodation" hidden, pursuing same-sex relationships without the spouse's knowledge. This "accomodation" seems directly synonymous to me with Joseph Smith's early secretive practice of polygamy. This is Joseph Smith spied rolling in the hay with Fanny Alger, caught in what Oliver Cowdery described as a "dirty, nasty, fithy affair" in a letter to his brother (Compton, 38). This is also Joseph Smith secretly marrying the teenage girls that lived in his house, such as the sisters Emily and Eliza Partridge.

Such attempts to hide the polygamy led to lies and a loss of trust with Emma and church leaders who discovered the secret liasons. Life becomes full untruths and a fear of discovery. It is a highly unstable situation.

Open Relationships

Eventually Joseph Smith seemed to recognize the instability of his secretive practice of polygamy and sought to include Emma and other church leaders in on it, moving the practice of polygamy into the category of open relationships. Emma obviously had a difficult time with accepting an open relationship, and Joseph appears to have tried to make it an open arrangement for both of them (but then taken away the opportunity in D&C 132:51 - "A commandment I give unto mine handmaid, Emma Smith, your wife, whom I have given unto you, that she stay herself and partake not of that which I commanded you to offer unto her"). Emma eventually recanted and agreed to the open relationship for Joseph if she could choose the wives, and initially selected the Partridge girls, to whom Joseph was already secretly married without Emma's knowledge. Emily wrote that, "To save the family trouble Brother Joseph thought it best to have another ceremony performed. Accordingly on the 11th of May, 1843, we were sealed to JS a second time, in Emma's presence, she givering her free and full consent thereto." (Compton, 409). But the open marriage was difficult for Emma to accept and was another uneven relationship. Emily again wrote, "Emma was our bitter enemy. We remained in the family several months after this, but things went from bad to worse." (Compton, 409).

I think the open marriage arrangement is still difficult to accept for the straight spouse, and even if initially an attempt to have a sexually open, but emotionally closed arrangement, is probably difficult for the homosexual spouse who likely is also emotionally attracted to men. I think it puts the marriage in an unstable situation.

Closed Loop

The closed loop relationship shares many of the challenges of an open marriage, although perhaps saves the spouse from as much danger from exposure to STDs, on the other hand may be more conducive to leading the gay spouse to emotionally detach from his marriage. The man is likely to pull further away from his wife and devote himself more to his gay relationship. He "has his cake and eats it to" but leaves his wife frustrated and alone much of the time. The third partner may also have a difficult time if he is not accepted into the family by the spouse (like Emma couldn't accept Joseph Smith's wives, even after initially approving of them), and will likely be alone on important holidays when their lover is home with the family. There are few examples of closed loops in polygamy as many of the men who practiced polygamy had many wives. A large number of wives typically led to the man being unable to adequately provide for all of them (necessitating the women work to provide for themselves), and they were often left alone to raise their children (thus the institutionalization of single motherhood). It does appear that plural wives were able to be happier if their husband had a small number of wives, rather than a very large number of them.

The Analogy Breaks Down

Of course, there are many differences between polygamy and mixed-orientation marriage "accomodations." Most of these are probably in the favor of mixed-orientation marriages. Unlike with polygamy, few spouses would believe they are "commanded of God" to submit to the accomodations, although they may be threatened with divorce if they do not allow their gay spouse to pursue male relationships. Feeling one is obeying a commandment may have enabled the polygamous wife to endure the challenges of polygamy more easily than a straight spouse the challenges of accomodating the gay spouse with homosexual relationships. But on the other hand, feeling one is commanded of God may have made the relationship much less even or mutually entered into, as God was against their desires for a monogamous relationship.

My Thoughts

I recognize the challenges of the married Mormon Homosexual who loves his wife and family, but also recognizes his attraction for men. I, myself, have asked how I can accept and embrace my homosexuality and who I am without hurting my family. I recognize that homosexuality is not solely (or even primarily) about sex, and I appreciate the responses I have received about how others are embracing their homosexuality while attempting to strengthen their MOM. On other blogs, some have advocated that the only position of integrity is to leave one's spouse after realizing they are gay. That is not an option, as I love my wife with all my heart, and leaving her would be as against who I am as it would be for me to go back into the closet.

According to Dr. William Wedin, director of Bisexual Psychological Services in New York City, again from glbtq encyclopedia, my MOM is now in the honeymoon stage:
when the partners agree to remain in their mixed-orientation marriage. Typically, gay spouses who want to remain in the marriage do so for one good reason: they love their straight spouses. With both partners feeling loved unconditionally, they renew their marriage vows on an emotional level.
According to him, there will come a time when "both partners reach the limits of what is tolerable" and we will need to "consider again whether to stay together or separate." When that time comes, it will be important to carefully and honestly consider our options. I do not think there will be integrity in trying to pursue a physical/emotional same-sex relationship, while maintaining a marriage to my wife. We will have to decide which, ultimately, is the best path forward for both of us and our family. I will have to wholly dedicate myself to my monogamous relationship with my wife, or I will need to separate from her before pursuing a same-sex relationship. Since my disaffection with the church I have tried to recognize the gray area between all of the extremes. However, for right now at least, I think polygamy provides ample evidence that the gray area of mixed-orientation marriage accomodations is more likely to lead to heartache and difficulties than it is to be a viable option. While recognizing the temptation this gray area provides of being able to "have it all", I recognize that it is a false promise of happiness that would hurt my marriage.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

My Best Friend's Gay Dad

By Mister Curie

I had previously mentioned in a blog post that my best friend in high school had a gay father and that I would further speculate on this story. I am going to do that now. As I remember the story, after approximately 20 years of marriage, my friend's father (when my friend was just a toddler) declared that he was tired of living a lie, got a divorce, left the church, and moved to Seattle to find a boyfriend. The perception of these actions was uniformly negative in my friend's family. However, my friend still loved his father and we stayed with him and his partner while we were in Seattle on band tour in High School.

When we met my friend's father, the impression I had developed from the stories I had heard contrasted greatly with what I saw. I had imagined that his father would fit my preconceptions of the "gay lifestyle": be dressed like he had just come from a gay pride parade and have lots of sexual partners. Instead he was in a monogamous relationship and I was surprised at the level of commitment he exhibited. His partner was sick and dying of AIDS, but he dutifully cared for him, rather than abandoning him for a healthy, sexier companion when times got tough.

The one other impression I had of him was that he had very harsh words against the church. I unrighteously judged him to be a sinner and an apostate and that his heart was hardened against the "Truth"of the Gospel. Now, I wonder how he would tell his story. I'm sure his perspective is quite different from the one I heard from my friend's family.

Did he know he was gay before getting married? Did he get married because the church counseled him to, telling him it would cure him of his homosexuality? Did he enter his marriage with full disclosure or did he hide his homosexuality from his wife? Or was he like me, and many other MoHos, and had been unable to accept that he was gay until after he was married? Did his realization come as the result of a mid-life crisis?

I can no longer condemn his harsh words against the church. Besides the fact that I no longer believe in the church, this man's experiences would have occurred in the early 1980's, likely while the church was being led by President Spencer W. Kimball. Of course, it was Spencer W. Kimball who taught about homosexuality using words such as repugnant, deviant, unnatural, abominable, evil, ugly, and curable and who said:
"Prophets anciently and today condemn masturbation. It induces feelings of guilt and shame. It is detrimental to spirituality. It indicates slavery to the flesh, not that mastery of it and the growth toward godhood which is the object of our mortal life. Our modern prophet has indicated that no young man should be called on a mission who is not free from this practice. What is more, it too often leads to grievous sin, even to that sin against nature, homosexuality. For, done in private, it evolves often into mutual masturbation-practiced with another person of the same sex and thence into total homosexuality...."
- Prophet Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness, Pages 77-79, 81-82
and
"I do not find in the Bible the modern terms "petting" nor "homosexuality," yet I found numerous scriptures which forbade such acts under by whatever names they might be called. I could not find the term "homosexuality," but I did find numerous places where the Lord condemned such a practice with such vigor that even the death penalty was assessed."
- Apostle Spencer W. Kimball, "Love Versus Lust", BYU Speech January 5, 1965
My friend's dad would have read and heard these words as coming from the living Prophet of God in the world today. At the time, he would have been excommunicated for just admitting to having these feelings, even if he never acted on them. No, I can't blame him for the hostility he felt toward the church.

I am intensely interested in his side of the story. Unfortunately I will probably never hear his version. And that is a shame.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Suggestions Sought: Embracing Homosexuality

By Mister Curie

I have a wonderful Mixed-Orientation marriage and love my wife. At the same time I accept that I am a Kinsey 5 homosexual (acknowledging that sexuality is fluid and that it may change over time in either direction, although most men who have repressed their sexuality have it more toward the homosexual spectrum as they come to accept it, rather than the other way around).

My question is how can I accept and express my homosexuality within the wonderful MOM that I have without hurting the MOM and yet be true to myself?

Currently, "expressing my homosexuality" consists of blogging about homosexuality, watching GLBT themed movies, telling my wife about my crushes or guys that I find attractive, coming out to people in real life, and my wife once arranged for us to have a couples massage together with a male massage therapist.

For my readers, married or not, how do you embrace and express your homosexuality?

Monday, February 1, 2010

Out Update II

By Mister Curie

It has been a big weekend.

Last Friday we met with a couple from our ward who has been aware of our disaffection and aware of our blog (although they rarely check it). When I started writing about my homosexuality I fully anticipated they would know about it through our blog. We finally sat down with them in real life and discussed being homosexual. I think the evening went well. It's nice to have supportive friends.

We also had another friend, a former member of our ward, find out about our blog and discover both our dissaffection and homosexuality. He responded remarkably well.

Finally, last Friday I received an email from one of the directors of my school program saying she wanted to set up a routine meeting to discuss my progress in the program. I have known she is lesbian for some time and did a quick LGBTQ search on the university webpage to confirm that she is listed as a "safe" person to discuss LGBT issues with. I sent her an email today outing myself and setting up an interview for this coming Friday.

Big weekend.

Mixed-Orientation Marriages, they're not just for Mormons

By Mister Curie

For some reason, I had the idea that only Mormons get caught up in mixed-orientation marriages and that only Mormons are backwards enough to not realize they are gay until after getting married. I stated rather strongly in a previous post that the Mormon church's stance on homosexuality created an environment in which I could not accept that I was gay. I still believe that is largely true, however, watching "Milk" last week helped me realize that a homophobic environment is not unique to Mormonism, but permeates much of society. Of course, growing up behind the Zion curtain, Mormonism and society were nearly synonymous, still that does not mean that homophobia doesn't thrive outside of Mormonism.

According to Wikipedia, homosexual acts have only been legal nationwide since 2003 and legally recognized same-sex unions can be formed in only twelve states and the District of Columbia. None of these relationships, however, are recognized under federal law. The federal government of the United States does not recognize the marriages of same-sex couples and is prohibited from doing so by the Defense of Marriage Act. Same-sex marriages are currently granted by only five of the 50 states. There are no federal protections for discrimination against people based on sexual orientation, although discrimination based on sexual orientation is banned in 20 states, and has recently been included in the federal hate crimes law (since 2009).

While I was seeking to learn more about MOMs, I stumbled across this site: http://www.marriedgay.org/. According to this non-LDS affiliated site, it is actually not that uncommon for a gay man to get married. Although the man often may have suspected he is gay, many married gay men have not been able to accept their full sexuality and do not consciously know they are gay. Often these men will have a mid-life crisis in the 40's or 50's when they finally accept their homosexuality. I probably shouldn't have been, but I was very surprised to learn that there are non-Mormon Mixed-Orientation Marriages. Many married gay men who aren't Mormons still want their marriages to work.

From the GLBTQ encyclopedia:
Many factors influence a couple's decision to stay together or separate: their ages; personalities; their level of sexual openness; the degree to which they are invested in eah other financially, emotionally, and psychologically; and their belief system or religious views.

Many of the thousands of heterosexually married individuals who identify as homosexual do not want to lead what they think of (sometimes based on stereotypes) as a gay or lesbian lifestyle.

Moreover, many of them delight in the domestic pleasures of married life and the partnerships they have formed with their spouses, and cannot bear the thought of losing the companionship and nurturance of their partners.

Typically, gay spouses who want to remain in the marriage do so for one good reason: they love their straight spouses.
The www.marriedgay.org site also has a links page with support resources for married gay men. I was surprised at the vast number of resources to support married gay men. According to this New York Times article:
Of the 27 million American men currently married . . . 1.6 percent, or 436,000, identify themselves as gay or bisexual. Of the 75 million men who have ever been married, 1.8 percent, or 1.3 million, identify themselves that way. But, in both cases, when the men are asked about behavior if they have ever had sex with men, not what they consider their sexual orientation, the number of men who have ever been married doubles.
I guess with so many of us, there should be resources out there. I knew about LDS affiliated sites, but not the non-LDS affiliated sites, like GAMMA (Gay & Married Men's Association) or the Straight Spouse Network.

So, LDS and non-LDS affiliated support sites for married homosexuals, have you found any of them to be particularly helpful (or unhelpful) on your journey and for your MOM? How?

Sunday, January 31, 2010

January Theme

By Mister Curie

So I feel that to be truly integrated into the MoHo community I need to respond to Abelard's monthly MoHo theme. As I have less than an hour to do that before the month is over, I better get started . . .

January Theme: What are your personal goals for 2010? What do you hope to accomplish in the upcoming year?

1. Family - spend quality time with family: (1) weekly date nights with Madam Curie, (2) be "present" when I am watching Le Petite Curie, rather than distracted by something else (most recently the MoHo blogs . . .)

2. School - PhD thesis (I'm still trying to decide if I really want to finish up this year or if one more year of research will really help me solidify things)

3. Health - lose weight, I'd really like to get down to my pre-marriage weight (145 lbs).

4. Homosexuality - accept myself and come out to my family (joining the MoHo queerosphere is one important step to accomplishing these goals)