Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I Love You and Thank You

By Mister Curie

Madam Curie and I had worked out a schedule to try and avoid my completely overtaking her blog and turning it into just another MoHo blog. However, certain topics are in the forefront of our minds and Madam Curie is having a bit of a rough time, as might be expected. So I thought it would be perfect to use her day for posting to remind her of my love.

I love you very much!

As EvolvingLesbian posted over on her blog:
A good, intimate relationship is constructed through the interplay of the intellectual, the emotional, and the physical.
We have never had any problems with the physical aspects of our marriage, and no matter what label I eventually apply to myself (bisexual, homosexual, heteroflexible, etc.), those labels don't change who I am, and we will always have "our-sexuality". But beyond that, we have invested intellectually and emotionally a lot into our relationship. I love our marriage. I love that when we talk, its like the whole world disappears. I love that you know what I'm thinking before I even know that I'm thinking something. I love that you can finish my sentences, and that I can finish yours. I love that we can share everything with each other and that you've always made our relationship a safe place to discuss even the most difficult of subjects. I love that you take an active interest in my life.

Thank you for all of your love and service. Thank you for creating such an open and loving environment in our marriage. As I told you the other day, I'm not afraid of exploring this issue because I know that you unconditionally love and support me. I'm not afraid of this journey because I am confident in your love for me.

While our-sexuality is a wonderful and fulfilling aspect of our relationship, our marriage is built on a lot more than just our physical relationship. I wouldn't give up everything we have built together just for a physical relationship with someone else. Our relationship is everything I have ever hoped for in a relationship. I can't imagine a better relationship, with man or woman, than the one we already have. I know that there is no one in the world who understands me like you do. I hold no hopes that I would be able to find another person who clicks with me emotionally and intellectually like you do. You don't give up relationships like the one we have. As you know, my idea of true romantic love is a prosaic love as we grow old together. I look forward to that, with you by my side.

I love you!


  1. What a beautiful message of love and commitment Mr. C.! After running into your comments on nom, staylds and this blog for the past several months, I have often been touched by yours and Mrs. C.'s love and friendship as expressed in your various posts. Sexuality can be a fascinating element of life worthy of exploration, but sadly, all too often people who are engaged in the pursuit of their own sexuality are not blessed with the kind of companionship you both share. I hope that you will continue to treasure what you have because that is far more important than trying to figure out where on the broad spectrum of human sexuality you actually belong. This is not meant to imply that your inquiry is wrong, merely to suggest that focusing your energy and thoughts into the beautiful relationship you already have may be much more fulfilling for you both.

  2. Well, this made me cry. I want to love and be loved that way. Absolutely beautiful.

  3. I wish that blogs had those "thumbs up" icons like Facebook. This post deserves two thumbs up! :)

  4. Thank you, Dearest, for this beautiful love letter. I love having something like this written where I can read it again and again whenever I am afraid.

    To all commentors - This topic - human sexual orientation - is not a new one in our household. I knew that my DH was attracted to men before we were even married, and its been discussed in various ways throughout our marriage. Obviously, the conversation has become more intense over the past several months, since he has gone through a major crisis of faith. But his coming out on the blog actually represents years of communication on this topic.

    He reached a point in our discussions a few weeks ago where we both realized he needed more feedback than from just me in this area. He also wondered if writing would help him to process through his thoughts, since its something that has been incredibly helpful for me. I therefore offered my blog to him as a online journal/ feedback venue. The "Coming Out" part of this journey is the new part, not the exploration of sexuality.

    Interestingly, I feel like it is these sorts of discussions that make our marriage so amazing and beautiful - we can talk about literally anything without fear. I have never before in my life experienced such secure attachment to anyone. Shutting down this conversation would do more harm to our marriage than good, I think. We are not people who hide inside ourselves about any topic when we communicate with each other. You don't reach the level of commitment we have by censoring yourself.

    I really appreciated the comment from Anon, above, as it caused me to think about what exactly I am afraid of in this whole process. I'm posting a blog post on Thursday that directly addresses this. In short, I am afraid of invalidation. I'm afraid someone will read our experiences and say, "It is not possible that Mr. Curie is attracted to men, if he has sucha great marriage." I am afraid that someone out there will read our experiences, thoughts, and feelings, and say that they could not have occurred. That's what I am afraid of, of having my feelings invalidated.

    I'm a terrible blogger in the sense that I take things very personally and my posts deal more with personal experiences and feelings than with objective, measurable truths and facts. I constantly walk a fine line between sharing too much or too little. Sometimes I wish I could change the name of this blog to "Life is Messy," because that about sums up how I feel.

  5. Mad. Curie - You could always add a little tagline saying "Life is Messy"... ;)

    For what it's worth, anything either of you feels is absolutely valid simply by dint of having felt it. (Isn't 'dint' an awesome word?) Just as the fear of invalidation is perfectly valid. As imperfect humans, we all need validation of one kind or another. I think that need grows the further outside our comfort zones we stray. Life is not only messy, but as we change, life can also be scary.

    In true validating fashion, I'll say that from the little I know about either of you, you seem to be incredible people. You don't take your faith or your relationship or your very natures lightly. To challenge your own decisions and preconceptions takes courage, which you both display in spades. What is perhaps most remarkable is that you are able to support one another in this individual search for truth and self-knowledge. You might just be my new heroes.

  6. Just remember not to put capes on the super-hero costumes. :D


  7. Love that movie, FireTag. I think I like the short with Jack-Jack the best. I suspect most parents would empathize with that show!!!

  8. Mad. C., it is heartbreaking to think that my anon. post (above) seemed judgmental. I am soooo sorry! It was never my intent and I hope you will allow me to explain.

    My comments were based on the angst that was expressed by you and Mr. C. by venturing into the topic of sexuality. If this does in fact bolster your relationship, fwiw, I think that is great! I admire you both for your candor and I think you are actually bravely writing what most people go through, although few, especially homophobic tbm's, would ever admit to these feelings. Mr. C.'s comment below caused me to react in the way that I did:

    "However, certain topics are in the forefront of our minds and Madam Curie is having a bit of a rough time, as might be expected. So I thought it would be perfect to use her day for posting to remind her of my love."

    So, I pictured Mad. C., alone in her lab feeling upset over the recent conversation(s) and my heart went out to you. I know this is not the case in real life;) but I do think that your relationship is so rare and beautiful and it would be sad if anything came between you.

    "Interestingly, I feel like it is these sorts of discussions that make our marriage so amazing and beautiful - we can talk about literally anything without fear."

    This is so admirable and you are so blessed!

  9. EV- Thank you so much for that kind and supportive comment! I can fully accept being in a superhero marriage :)

    Anon.- I think rather than saying I found your comment 'judgmental,' I would say it was thought-provoking and causing of introspection - both good things. I actually really appreciated your comment, because it provided the key I needed to understand what it was I was afraid of.

    I feel a lot of things that I often can't put a word on or a reason to. As anyone with a mental/emotional illness can attest, prayers in such situations rarely lead to peace or solace. So, without God to rely upon for emotional support, my response is to cling to my husband. He knows me and he knows my feelings and I subconsciously know the strength of the bond between us. I know I can always trust him. In times of trial and confusion, then, I fall back to him for reassurance of our relationship.

    When I feel fear, and I seek Mr. C's reassurance, it sometimes seems to me I must be afraid of losing him, when that isn't the case at all. Your comment helped me to see that I wasn't afraid of talking about this issue or losing my husband; I was afraid of his coming out.

    Wow, that was a long, introspective response to your comment. I hope it makes sense.

    So, thanks for your response, it was timely and very helpful.

  10. Anon.- Oh, and ironically, in your mental image - I work at home now, and Mr. C is the one in the lab. I gratefully left the world of academia about 2 years ago, and started a science writing business. Good stuff!

  11. This is so sweet. You two are perfect for one another; I've always thought that. (Even though I set her up with that friend of mine from Princeton and was hoping my match would work out, just when Mr. C came along! Remember that?? :)

  12. @Donna- We have lots of laughs about "Princton Boy". MC was seeing both of us at the same time and playing by different "rules" to see which worked better for catching the guy. One of my favorite memories is writing him the email informing him of our wedding just days before we were to get married in response to him asking MC out on a date! Hilarious!