By Mister Curie
It was only after my disaffection that I was able to see a pattern in my life indicating that I was not strictly heterosexual. This is part of a series of posts as I try to account for all the pieces to the puzzle of my sexual orientation. By documenting the pieces of the puzzle, I hope to be able to put the picture together. Only by being as completely honest with myself as I can will I be able to understand who I am. This eighth post in the series will deal with my courtship with Madam Curie.
I was comfortable with my life course and happily not dating. The summer before my Senior year at BYU, I traveled across the country on a summer internship to perform medical research to improve my medical school application. My roommates joked that I would come back with a girlfriend, I assured them I would not.
Madam Curie and I met at the Singles' Ward. She was in charge of Munch-and-Mingle, a blatant attempt to get the singles to meet and date each other. She was impressed when I brought a peach cobbler to share. I was impressed when I found out she was working on her PhD. We quickly connected on an intellectual and emotional level. It was a nice contrast to my previous dating experience, and while Madam Curie did not meet my naively drawn list of ideal traits for a wife, I began musing in my journal if she might be the type of girl I could marry.
A road trip to a summer church pageant increased the emotional and intellectual bonds between us. We spent every waking moment with each other on the trip and were in our own little world. Others joked that they couldn't eavesdrop on our conversation because we spoke a language all our own as we discussed our scientific research, etc. The road trip ended with an awkward episode following our holding hands. Madam Curie apologized, thinking she had forced me to hold her hand, I thought she apologized for leading me on when I would be heading back to Provo and our paths may never cross again. It pushed progress in our relationship back for several weeks.
Madam Curie started asking me out to lots of group activities and my roommate started a campaign for us to get together. We ended up going to the movies, which we now call our first date, but which, due to her previous apology, I wasn't sure of the expectations about, and we ended up going dutch and not holding hands. We held hands again at a movie night she arranged another evening at her apartment. I eventually asked Madam Curie on a date and tried to impress her with homemade Sweet and Sour chicken and with homemade chocolate turtle cheesecake for dessert. It worked.
My summer internship was nearing its end when we had a DTR (Define The Relationship). We decided that we would try to maintain our relationship after I went back to BYU. I also found that I was having strong physical feelings of attraction for her (particularly experienced when we went on a day trip to a nearby city and I found myself wanting to touch her and hold her close, it was absolutely falling in love and feelings of chemistry between us), so we instituted a strict set of "Celestial Rules of Dating" to keep ourselves morally pure. My last week on the internship was like a long, blissful fairy tale spent with Madam Curie. At the airport, I worked up the courage to kiss her (only the second girl I had kissed). It was a passionless peck, but I was on cloud nine. To me, it felt like a kiss of prosaic love (which I valued above romantic love), it felt like I imagined it felt like to kiss one's wife after 10-15 years of marriage. (Perhaps this all should have been a clue, but I continued on clueless).
Deciding to continue our relationship long-distance was a great idea. We were forced to strengthen our emotional and intellectual connection without worrying about our physical relationship (which, we took as a good thing at the time because of the growing feelings of physical attraction we had for each other, but given both of our homosexuality was probably a good thing because it allowed us to develop a prosaic love that in turn strengthened our physical relationship). We tried to arrange monthly trips to see each other, which allowed our physical attraction to blossom under controlled conditions with long intervening episodes of emotional and intellectual growth together.
We discussed getting married. I searched my patriarchal blessing and prayed about it. One particular line in my blessing said that a girl would come into my life whom I would want to marry and that we should marry. I realized that I did want to marry Madam Curie and I prayed for confirmation, which I got. We began planning the wedding for immediately after my graduation. Planning the wedding brought us closer together as we were forced to rely on each other to meet the challenge of putting everything together. I took a Marriage Prep class at BYU and shared everything I learned with Madam Curie. At the suggestion of the class, we read a book together on human marital intimacy, which allowed us to prepare for a physically intimate relationship.
After so much emotional and intellectual bonding, physical attraction was not a problem. Our kissing became quite passionate when we were together and I would get an erection even when just holding her hand. During one make-out session, I felt myself going through the phases of sexual arousal and, just as I had with my mission companion (as described in last week's post), felt as if I was beginning to ejaculate. Just as before, I excused myself to check my garments, and again found large amounts of pre-ejaculate, but I had not actually climaxed. Once again, disaster averted.
We happily made it to be married in the temple.
2 weeks ago