By Mister Curie
I built my house upon the rock, my Lord, my Redeemer, Jesus Christ. Isn't that where the wise man metaphorically built his house? I trusted that my church leaders were speaking for God and that I was living my life in accordance with His Divine will. And when the storms come, and the rains come, the house on the rock stood still, right? It was the house on the sand that was washed away. Well, tell me what I did wrong. Because here's my house of faith now:
How do you rebuild after something like that? You tear it all down and start over from scratch. It was during that process that I was finally able to accept that I am gay. It was during that process that I found the church had created false bogeymen all around and that the world is a much more coherent and beautiful place without my former house of faith. But I don't know what to do now. The only blueprints I have for my life are those that came with my former faith. I feel a little lost not following those blueprints, but I know I don't want to rebuild that house.
I know that feeling all too well! Perhaps the problem is that we aren't supposed to be building houses, perhaps we are meant to be nomads, free to roam and experience life as it comes at us.
ReplyDeleteWe may settle under a tree or a rock for the night, but each new day brings with it new experiences and new opportunities to discover and explore.
Rather than build a house, we should build memories.
Rather than seeking for the solid ground, we should explore the mountains and the streams, the rivers and the forests and take in the variety and beauty they offer.
Love others with renewed intensity. Tell no lies.
ReplyDeleteEmbrace the exile; it is a gift.
I didn't demolish my house--I just remodeled a room at a time, but I've still ended up with something that scarcely resembles the place I lived two years ago.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you just build a room at a time as you discover what "faith" means to you, and where your faith lies. Forget blueprints--make your house a work of art that grows organically as life unfolds.
... which is probably about what Urban Koda said using a different take on the metaphor. :)
A house is what!a structure only.. it's whats in your heart that is more important,so keep busy with new things to take the place of the old habits that were created by mormonism.Walk on this new path with happiness that now you can explore the new things in life.That is what is important.You can do it,it will just take time!
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking! do you think it is harder for those who were born in the church to leave it all behind them than those who were converted.I myself had no problem settling down to a new life away from mormonism!and I was a convert.
@Urban Koda - Thanks for expanding my horizons a little, perhaps I am not meant to be building another house after all
ReplyDelete@MoHoHawaii - Those are some excellent suggestions
@Scott - Yes, unfortunately my house of faith is in complete ruins and is utterly uninhabitable. Perhaps building a room at a time is a logical way to proceed, can't say I know which room to start with though.
@Wally - Yes, I do think it is harder for those who were born in the church and were not converts. Being born into the church, my whole world view was shaped by church doctrine and policies. I have no prior beliefs to fall back upon and a new life must be built from scratch. It is disorienting when the entire way you view the world is turned upside down.
I like how everyone has said something moving and profound.
ReplyDeleteI don't have much to add, so I guess I'll say: we were all trained to watch out for mere *rainstorms*, but the problem was we lived in an area prone to *earthquakes*.
You can build a house that is resistant to earthquakes. I don't remember the technical particulars, other than being told (in fourth grade, mind you) that the process is similar to making a house with materials that operate something like jello...